Last night I put the one-baht test on trial. I failed to get chased or beaten up. But let me explain.
The one-baht test was devised by me to highlight that the Thais are the real khee nios not the farangs. My test necessitates that you fail to pay your bill in full by one baht and get chased, criticised, beaten up. Last night I left a bar in a bad mood because they were in a bad mood with me because I wasn’t coughing up for girlie-drinks. I paid the "exact" amount of the bill minus one baht. No one seemed to give a toss. I walked on down the soi commenting on the fact that the motorbike-taxi guys were handsome and they helped the Thai ladies to be beautiful. “Arai?” “Just saying you’re good looking and it helps your ladies to be beautiful.” “Ha! Ha!” Flattery gets you everywhere, buttering up the toughos who charge along like massive, orange hornets on vroom-vroom bikes.
So, all in all, another difficult night for me. I must be going through the male menopause though I can still fly the flag. Come to giving a bit more consideration to all these mini psycho-crises I’m creating, I must be getting old. Yes, that’s it. “I’m declined into the vale of years” just like Othello. I’m past it. I’ve had my “days of wine and roses.…love, and desire, and hate…..”* as the poet put it.
Bye for now, and if you put the one-baht test into action and are successful, please contact me from your hospital bed.
*Ernest Dowson
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