#Pattaya#Thailand#money
Of course, strictly speaking, this isn’t true. You can have a conversation in Pattaya without paying but it’s surprising how many places do ask for money before allowing you to rattle your gob. Pattaya is, therefore, a bad place, and I tell as many people as I can just how bad it is. Pattaya is a place where I can sit in silence for three bars just because I won’t pay 150 + 150 + 150 baht to hear those set questions we all know, beginning with “Where-you-from-you-holiday?”
She was sitting and standing by me last night, not asking for a drink, surprising me, allowing me to whittle on. And whittle on I did! I got the impression she kind of liked me so I became as obnoxious as I could, with words, of course, and I told her she should go home and let her three children look after her. That’s what Thai children do – they look after their ageing mums, dads, grandparents, buffaloes and caged egrets. I asked her why she was selling hoy in Pattaya when her grown-up girls were teachers. (She’d told me they’d all been educated. All except her.) I said she was old (44) while I didn’t say the same for me (67). All in all, I was totally objectionable. That’s how mad Pattaya has made me. A pretty lady being given a verbal hard-time by an old head-case like me. Surprised she didn’t walk away. I got more digs in, telling her the security guys of her bar were tough nuts, little thugs looking to hurt people. “They like to hurt people,” I informed her, without having the slightest idea what I was talking about. I’m by no means an immediate sadist-identifier. I made other irritating comments but she wanted to kiss me. I turned my face away.
After fixing the TV for the first half of Argentina versus Iceland, and bemoaning Messi’s fate, I left the bar and her, leaving her a 20 baht tip (though khee nio) – to prove my point…that a conversation is paid for, but of course it was up to me to leave that tip or not, she hadn’t asked me for one, and so I didn’t prove the point. I left feeling a jerk. Nevertheless, I woke up this morning, still convinced that money is vital in Pattaya and you have to pay to have a conversation.
Now, why is that? Because last night was an exception. That’s what I think and I’m not changing my mind. I’ll be as stubborn as a dung-beetle in a pickle, and if that makes any sense to you, mate, you’re in a worse state than me.
However, let’s get this straight. None of the above obstreperous stuff means this punter wants to return to England, Italy, Germany, hot Norway or steamy Iceland. No way! I’m well aware that you still have to pay something to live in those super states in that super continent, super Europe, and you might just find yourself even more isolated. No “might” about it. Change “might” to “will” (will find yourself isolated!). It’s just that the expression “Mustn’t grumble” is wasted on gobby dudes like me.
I await feedback on this article, and popular acclaim. All verbal abuse is equally welcome - from those Pattaya punters who know better than me (and there are plenty out there!).
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